


But to Remember

by Ionaonie



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, Fluff, Friendship, M/M, Pre-Slash, episode s01e07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-23
Updated: 2011-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-27 22:34:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/300769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ionaonie/pseuds/Ionaonie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How is Arthur coping with the aftermath of Sophia?</p>
            </blockquote>





	But to Remember

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to thisissirius for the beta.

Arthur gasped awake and quickly sat up, breathing hard and sweating. He hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since Sophia had her father had left Camelot.

He kept being woken up by the same damn dream. It was fuzzy, as if he was viewing it from a vast distance, like he wasn’t quite there. Waking, he could never remember much, but the image that stayed with him was that of Merlin being hit by a blue light and smashing into Arthur’s bedroom wall, looking for all the world as if he was dead. The moment when Merlin impacted the wall always elicited a scream of horror from Arthur, but he was powerless to stop it. All he wanted to do was run to Merlin’s side and check that his friend was alive but, no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t move. It was horrifying.

And he knew it had something to do with Sophia and her father. When he thought of them he felt fear, honest to god fear, and he could think of no good reason for him to fear them unless something had happened that he no longer remembered.

He pulled off his shirt, feeling far too hot and lay back down. He settled back down on his pillows, shifting about until he got comfortable.

He knew there was something he was missing, and he knew Merlin (and probably Gaius if he was honest) knew what it was. The question was did he want to know what his friend was hiding from him?

If it was merely a question of an elopement then it seemed unlikely that Merlin and Gaius would see much point in lying to him. So what had really happened and how bad could it be?

And then there was the elopement itself. What had he been thinking? Such actions weren’t like him, but before that too, he had turned his back on his responsibilities and his duties. No girl had ever bewitched him so sufficiently that he turned his back on his responsibilities so easily. It scared him how prepared he’d been to shrug off his duties. He hadn’t done that since he was eleven and he’d wanted to play with his friends instead of train. Uther, instead of yelling at him (which Arthur would have ignored quite easily) had spoken to Arthur as if he were already a man, explaining to him the nature of their responsibilities and why it was so important. It had made a very real impression on Arthur and he’d vowed to exceed every expectation Uther had of him. That something as frivolous as a pretty girl could sway him so easily worried him more than he wanted to admit.

Sophia had been pretty, that was true, but she had been nothing special. There were many women in court who surpassed her, not to mention Morgana. Although Morgana surpassed everyone.

He didn’t fall for people that quickly. He’d spent his entire life watching people of court pretend to be something they weren’t. He knew all about public facades and not showing your true face. He didn’t trust people easily. His father. Morgana. Gaius. And now Merlin. Past that, he knew that people had their own agenda (well, so did his father, but that was a story for another day) and would say or do what was needed to achieve it. It was why he found Merlin so refreshing and had been so wary of Edwin. There was no guile to Merlin but Edwin had been such a damn suck up. Then to have a girl be able to wipe all that away in less than a day? It wasn’t natural.

Arthur froze, staring sightlessly at his ceiling.

Bewitched.

Unnatural.

Magic. That was what had happened to him. Magic.

He’d been, what? Entranced?

He pushed away the fear that he’d been enchanted. There would be time to worry about being helpless in the face of such things later. At the moment, he had far more important things to be thinking of. But surely if that was the case why would Merlin and Gaius keep it from him? Why would they keep it from Uther? There had to be even more to it than the magic. But what? He felt as though it was right there in front of him, if only he could see it.

Glancing out the window he saw that there was little more than an hour until Merlin would be barging into his room to wake him up. He knew he wasn’t going to sleep again so he threw back the sheets and, grabbing his shirt because it was now a tad chilly, he padded over to the window and sat there to watch the sun rise, all the time trying to force himself to remember what he was forgetting.

He started when his door slammed open, heralding the arrival of Merlin.

‘You’re up.’ He sounded surprised.

‘How very observant you’re becoming.’ He didn’t bother to turn around. He heard Merlin close the door and walk further into the room.

‘But you’re not dressed.’

Arthur felt his lip curl involuntarily. ‘You are truly gifted at stating the obvious, Merlin.’

‘Believe it or not, you are not the first to tell me that,’ said Merlin. He walked over to the bed and started pulling off the sheets.

Arthur snorted. ‘I’m stunned.’

There was silence for a few minutes while Merlin re-made the bed and Arthur continued to stare out of the window, watching the castle come to life. He turned back to watch Merlin, finding that view more preferable. For some reason he found watching Merlin perform his tasks to be soothing. He didn’t have to think, just watch.

‘Umm, Arthur, are you alright?’ asked Merlin. ‘You’re being very quiet.’

Arthur rested his elbows on his knees. ‘I’m thinking.’

Merlin raised an eyebrow, a smile playing on his lips. ‘Well, that certainly explains why you’re so quiet. It must be taking all your concentration.’

‘You’re hilarious, Merlin,’ Arthur deadpanned.

Merlin shrugged. ‘Well, I try.’

‘No, you’re just trying.’ Arthur felt the ball of unease in his chest lessen as he teased Merlin.

‘Now you’re the one being hilarious, Sire.’

It had to be the way he was relaxing that allowed the next sentence to escape. ‘I keep dreaming of you being hit by a blue streak of light.’

The way Merlin’s face drained of colour answered the primary question Arthur had; whether or not it had really happened.

Apparently it had. ‘I’m glad I’m already sitting down,’ he said faintly.

Merlin still hadn’t moved, still hadn’t said anything. He was watching Arthur like he was a trapped animal.

Arthur looked at him. ‘So Aulfric and Sophia used magic against you?’ He couldn’t quite believe he was having this conversation.

Merlin shook his head jerkily. ‘No, only Aulfric.’ He gulped. ‘Sophia used magic against you.’

‘So she did bewitch me, then.’ Arthur felt vaguely sick. Perhaps knowing the truth wasn’t such a great thing after all.

Merlin nodded.

‘Is there any way I could have fought it?’

Merlin shook his head. ‘It was too powerful.’

Arthur nodded, relief washing through him. Even if the rest of the court forever thought that Arthur had acted every inch the spoilt prince they expected, at least he knew the truth. What surprised him was how relieved he was that Merlin knew the truth.

‘How...how long..?’

Thankfully Merlin seemed to know what he was asking. ‘I think from the moment you met she had to under some sort of spell.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you started acting weird from the second you laid eyes on her.’ He frowned. ‘It freaked me out. Next time you act like that, I’m getting Gaius to check you out immediately.’

‘Hopefully there won’t be a next time.’ He played with the cuff of his shirt. ‘So, what happened? How did you survive that?’

‘Uh, I...umm, that’s to say...I...’

Arthur rolled his eyes. ‘Breath, Merlin.’

Merlin took a deep breath. ‘Oh, uh, sorry.’

Arthur waited a moment longer. ‘Now talk.’

Merlin nodded. ‘I don’t really know how I survived.’ He shrugged. ‘Just lucky, I guess.’

Arthur stared at Merlin, wishing he could understand the other boy. He honestly couldn’t decide if Merlin was telling the truth. One thing he could tell was that he didn’t want Arthur to go any further down this particular line of questioning. Arthur was torn; he wanted to know what Merlin was keeping from him but there was something in the nervous way Merlin was acting that told Arthur that pushing this would take him away from finding his answers about Sophia. ‘I know you’re not telling the whole truth, Merlin-’ Merlin’s eyes opened impossibly wide. He opened his mouth to speak, but Arthur held up a hand to forestall him. ‘But I’m going to leave that for the time being.’

The relief that spread across Merlin’s face was almost comical.

‘As long as you tell me what happened that night,’ he added.

‘I, uh, don’t know what you’re talking about, Sire.’

Arthur rolled his eyes. Merlin really was an exceptionally bad liar. He couldn’t quite believe that his father had believed him. ‘I already know you didn’t hit me over the head with a giant stick and that Sophia and I didn’t run off to elope.’

‘Well, you kind of did.’

Arthur resisted the urge to growl in frustration. Getting a straight story out of Merlin was proving to be as simple as getting blood from a stone. ‘And just how does one ‘kind of’ elope?’

‘Well, you believed that you were going to elope.’ He cocked his head to one side. ‘Although by that point you were so far under her spell that she could have told you to walk all the way to the lake on your hands and you would have done it.’

‘Thanks,’ he said dryly. ‘And we ended up at the lake?’

Merlin winced, obviously having said something he hadn’t meant to. He looked as though he wanted to be anywhere but here, which was tough, because Arthur would keep him here as long as he wished. Merlin’s skitterishness was making Arthur anxious.

‘Merlin, sit down.’

Merlin immediately sat down on the floor.

‘Not on the cold floor, you idiot.’

‘Well, where then,’ grumbled Merlin as he scrambled to his feet.

‘Well, it’s obviously escaped your keen powers of observation, but there are a number of chairs in the room, but since you ask, how about here, next to me.’

For a brief second Arthur thought Merlin was going to refuse, but he didn’t. Instead he sat next to Arthur, just shy of touching, tucking his hands under his legs.

‘I’m going to take a wild guess here and say that Sophia and Aulfric didn’t take me down to the lake to go for a midnight swim.’

‘More like they wanted to drown you,’ said Merlin quickly, staring resolutely at the floor.

‘Drown?’ repeated Arthur. It occurred to him that he was being far too calm for someone who had just been informed that they’d drowned just over a week ago. On the other hand, he’d just found out that he’d been enchanted, so he was probably numb to all other over the top revelations at the moment.

Merlin nodded.

‘That would explain why my mouth tasted like I’d drank half the lake when I woke up.’

‘Probably,’ agreed Merlin.

‘So, why did they want to drown me? If they just wanted me dead, they could have killed me at any time.’

‘Uh, they...umm...’ Merlin squinted at Arthur. ‘Are you sure you want to know?’

Arthur didn’t say anything, just gave Merlin a look that plainly told him what an idiot he was to even ask.

‘They needed the soul of a prince to open the way to Avalon.’

Arthur waited a moment before replying, really hoping that Merlin was making a highly inappropriate joke before telling him the real reason. ‘Open the way to Avalon?’ he repeated, once it became obvious Merlin wasn’t going to speak again.

‘Yes. It, uh, it sounds a bit crazy, I know...’

Arthur couldn’t help but explode a little bit. ‘A bit crazy? A bit crazy? Of course it’s crazy. Avalon. I nearly died because a couple of nut jobs thought Avalon really exists. Wonderful.’

Merlin opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but closed it before speaking. ‘Yeah,’ he finally agreed.

Arthur shook his head in disbelief, unable to believe the complete stupidity of some people. ‘And you saved me?’

‘Scared away Aulfric and Sophia and pulled you out of the lake.’ Merlin’s voice shook a bit as he spoke.

‘Was I breathing?’ he asked quietly, already suspecting he knew the answer.

Merlin shook his head and, pulling his hands out from under his legs, he gripped the edge of the window seat.

‘Oh.’ He didn’t quite know what to say.

Glancing over at Merlin, Arthur could see faint tremors running the length of his body. He shifted closer, pressing his shoulder against Merlin’s. Arthur wasn’t exactly an expert at comforting people, he generally didn’t care enough to try. But he knew some of how Merlin must be feeling. He still woke at night from images of Merlin collapsing on the floor of the banquet hall after drinking poison meant for him. He had never felt as helpless as he had that day, watching Merlin twist in agony as the poison worked through him.

Nudging Merlin, Arthur made them lean back against the window together, unwilling to lose any contact with Merlin at the moment. ‘Thank you,’ he said as sincerely as he knew how. He was thanking Merlin for everything; for saving his life, but also for going in the stocks three times for Arthur’s mistakes. He didn’t know how, but he was going to make it up to Merlin.

Merlin glanced at him. ‘What for?’

‘For saving my life.’

Merlin flushed and looked away. ‘It was nothing.’

Not wanting to make Merlin more uncomfortable that he already was, Arthur changed the subject. ‘So, how did you get me back to the castle?’

‘With great difficulty. You’re heavy.’

Arthur decided to ignore the fact that Merlin hadn’t actually answered the question. ‘Are you calling me fat?’

Merlin snorted. ‘No, of course not.’

‘Because I’ll have you know every ounce is muscle.’

Merlin shoved him with his shoulder. ‘Are you sure? You were heavier than I expected.’

‘Finely honed, precision-trained muscle,’ ground out Arthur. ‘And anyway, I was wearing my armour.’ And he refused to accept that he might have whined then.

Merlin laughed. ‘God, you are such a girl sometimes.’

Arthur spluttered. ‘A...a girl? Did you just call me a girl?’

‘Well, if the shoe fits.’

‘Haven’t you got a bed to finish making?’ He felt his imperious tone was somewhat wrecked by the grin on his face.

Merlin jumped off the seat, shooting Arthur a mischievous grin as he did so. ‘That I do, Sire. Anything else I can do, Sire?’

‘Yes, get my clothes ready.’

‘Of course, Sire.’

‘And stop making ‘sire’ sound like an insult.’

‘And how do you propose I do that?’ asked Merlin as he pulled Arthur’s clothes from the wardrobe.

‘I really don’t know,’ replied Arthur, standing up. ‘But work something out. It’s your problem, not mine.’

‘Technically, it’s really your problem since I really don’t care that I’m able to make ‘sire’ sound like an insult.’ He cocked his head to no side, as if thinking deeply. ‘Honestly, I’m quite proud of the fact.’

Instead of picking up his shirt, Arthur grabbed his pillow and threw it unerringly at Merlin’s face. ‘Looks like we’ll have to work a bit on your reflexes and ducking abilities today, Merlin.’

‘There’s no need to sound so gleeful about it.’

‘And I disagree, I think there are plenty of reasons to sound gleeful at the prospect of you ending up on your arse all morning.’

‘I should have let you drown,’ Merlin muttered, bending down to pick up the pillow and throw it back on the bed.

Arthur laughed.


End file.
